Break
by ICarryYourHeart16
Summary: There were some cases that just tore at you, made you question everything you were. Kensi is forced to make a split second decision and the consequences haunt her, but she's not alone. Deeks is there, annoyingly persistent, refusing to leave until he knows she can be okay. **Chapter 4 up**
1. Chapter 1

There was the slightest tremor to her lips as she spoke.

"I saw him draw his weapon and fired"

"Did you announce your intention to fire if the suspect did not lower his weapon?"

"No."

Deeks opened his mouth to speak but Hetty silenced him with a look.

"Why not?"

Deeks clenched his fist as he watched Kensi draw a breath, her knuckles whitening where she grabbed the chair.

"I had been suspicious, the suspect was acting erratically all night. I saw him reach for the gun and aim it at my partner's head. I reacted."

Her tone was cool and professional, the way her hand trembled as she brushed her hair away from her face said otherwise. The suspect had pulled his gun so suddenly Deeks would have been the one lying in the morgue if Kensi hadn't reacted so quickly. Hetty looked at him and he swallowed hard as guilt pulled at his gut. If only he hadn't been distracted, he could have prevented all of this.

**5 hours earlier**

"They're planning another drop on Friday. McCarthy's got a new buyer and the guy's loaded."

Kensi scribbled down the information as Deeks questioned their informant. Eddie Boyle had been slowly feeding them information on a highly volatile arms dealer by the name of Samuel McCarthy for over a year now. He was small and flighty and had an affinity for money which had gotten him in trouble a while back. Now an apparent change of heart and the love of a good woman had him fighting for the side of good. Deeks scratched his head as he looked over the roughly drawn map Eddie was pointing to.

"McCarthy chose this area specifically because it's so secluded. Can't catch him on a traffic camera or some building security system."

"He's smart, we're smarter." Kensi said with a grin on her face as she patted Eddie on the shoulder.

"Do you have any idea what weapons he's moving?" She asked bending over to look at the map. Her shoulder brushed against Deeks, he didn't bother moving. They pulled all the information they could out of Eddie about the next drop and already had the location mapped out with where McCarthy's men would be stationed before they dropped him off at a bar.

"Hey when I get out of this, I'm inviting you two to the wedding." Eddie said with a grin.

"Sure, Kensi can be my plus one." Deeks grinned at her as she pulled a face.

"You can be_ my_ plus one, if I don't bring someone else." Kensi said.

"Oh that's probably better, that way you can cry all over him when you get mushy at the wedding."

Kensi scoffed "I don't cry at weddings."

"I'll bet you do, the way you cry at the ending of Titanic." He reached out dramatically "Jack... Jaaaack," and winced when Kensi punched his arm.

"You're not allowed to watch Titanic with me again."

Deeks grinned and waved to Eddie as he disappeared into the bar.

"I'm starving, burgers?" He asked, leaning back in the seat to look at her.

"Hmm no we had burgers yesterday, let's get Chinese."

Deeks wrinkled his nose "No I still can't stomach it."

They both thought of the weeklong stakeout by Yang Chow Chinese restaurant and shuddered.

"Pizza."

"Make it extra cheesy and I'll be yours forever." He said as she swung the car into traffic.

"Is that supposed to be an incentive?"

"Maybe," Deeks said with a slow grin, lazily skimming a finger along her arm.

Kensi smacked his hand away and the car swerved dangerously close to the other lane.

"Okay on second thought just get me there alive." He muttered and straightened in his seat.

* * *

They had over an hour before they needed to get back to brief the rest of the team so they tucked into a small booth and settled into one of their favorite pastimes, arguing over superheroes.

"If Tony Stark were to get in a fight with Bruce Wayne, Bruce Wayne would win hands down every time." Kensi said, gesturing with a slice of pizza.

"Are you kidding me? Iron Man is way stronger than Batman. There's no way he would win that fight."

"Okay but without the suit Tony Stark is just a regular guy, Bruce Wayne has years of martial arts training."

Deeks shook his head.

"No way Tony Stark goes anywhere without his suit, I mean would you go anywhere without it if a new villain was always popping out of somewhere to try and kill you?"

Kensi shrugged and leaned back. "Okay maybe, but that still doesn't mean Iron Man wins. Batman most likely has a trick up his sleeve. He'd probably have something to scramble the computer in Iron Mans suit and then he's just a man in a metal can."

"He could, if Iron Man didn't blast Batman to hell before he could blink."

Kensi laughed. "Yeah right, nobody sneaks up on Batman, he's king of stealth. Iron Man is all about the flash."

"Yeah well if you're the best there's no reason to go slinking around in-" Deeks was cut off by the sharp ring of his cell phone and picked it up. Eddies name came up on the screen and he frowned.

"Hey Eddie you miss me already?"

Kensi looked on in interest as Deeks listened to Eddie talking frantically on the other line.

"They moved the time of the drop." Deeks said as he stood up and tossed a few bills onto the table.

"To when?" Kensi asked, following him back to the car.

"Thirty minutes from now," Deeks said as he dialed the number to reach Eric and Nell in the OPS center.

"Wolfram speaking how may I be of assistance?"

Deeks mouth twitched in amusement.

"Eric I need you to get Sam and Callen to the drop site now. Use the map I sent to you. They're meeting in the southwest quadrant of the Long Beach Pier, tell them to take Harbor Plaza until they hit the gates and then go the rest of the way on foot."

Deeks hung up the phone as they sped back to the bar and looked at Kensi. Her face was a mask of concentration.

"He's paranoid." She said, glancing to the left before making a tight right turn that had the tires squealing. "Changing the time like that, it doesn't look good for us. Think he knows we're on to him?"

"Maybe," Deeks said, waving at Eddie to hurry when Kensi came to a halt in front the bar.

"I was lucky I overheard McCarthy's man talking about the new drop time." Eddie said breathlessly as he jumped into the car and was knocked backwards when Kensi shot back into traffic.

"Yeah, lucky for us." Deeks said, noting the way Eddie licked his lips nervously.

"Don't worry, all we need is for you to positively identify McCarthy for us and then we'll take it from there. You'll hang back while we arrest him."

Eddie nodded and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Melissa's important to me. I just want this all to be over so we can be normal."

"Normal's what you'll get if we nail McCarthy." Kensi said, glancing back at him.

Because Eddie looked a little green at the gills Deeks nudged her and gestured to the front.

"Keep your eyes on the road so we can all get there in one piece."

"Have I gotten in an accident yet? It's called defensive driving Deeks," she said as she swerved around a lumbering minivan. Deeks tugged his seatbelt tighter.

"You did almost hit the lamppost that one time."

"I was chasing down a suspect!" Kensi snapped, gunning the gas in frustration.

"Then explain the time you ran over the curb when we were getting coffee."

"Hey maybe you should stop aggravating her it's just making it worse." Eddie said from the back.

Deeks grinned as Kensi glared at him.

"Yeah real funny guys. Next time the two of you can walk."

* * *

She parked the car behind a shipping container and slipped out, closing the door quietly. The adrenaline started her blood pumping and she pulled a hair band off her wrist to tie back her hair. Deeks fingers brushed hers as he handed her a vest and her already erratic pulse skittered. He flashed a grin at her.

"Ready?" He asked as he strapped the vest tightly onto his chest.

She nodded and strapped a gun to her thigh and another into the holster at her side. Eddie was rubbing the back of his hand nervously over his mouth and she watched as Deeks laid a hand on his shoulder and talked to him in a low voice. Something about the way Eddie was acting was setting off alarm bells in her head.

"Eddie are you sure they changed the drop time?"

"I'm sure, I checked my sources." He said sincerely.

Kensi nodded and stepped back.

"We're about three rows back from the drop sight, Eric do you have a visual?"

"Yeah there's no movement, no cars."

Kensi was starting to get a strange feeling and she turned back to Deeks and Eddie.

" Something's wrong." She said looking at Deeks whose expression mirrored hers.

"Look I'm positive this is happening tonight, it's just like McCarthy to change the drop off time." Eddie said, looking desperately from Kensi to Deeks. He fiddled with his fingers near his hip and swallowed.

"I have to get this right, for Melissa." Eddie said his breath coming fast. Kensi opened her mouth to say something, her senses on full alert, when she heard the crunch of tires on gravel. She turned and peeked around the corner. A car was inching slowly towards the edge of the water.

"Eric can you get the plates?"

"Running them now." He said. Kensi watched the men step out of the vehicle and talk quietly. There was slightest whisper of sound. The brush of fabric against metal and she whipped around, her gun already sliding out of the holster.

Eddie had his gun pointed at Deeks' head. She fired without thinking and watched in horror as twin spots of red bloomed on Eddie's chest, a prefect center mass hit.

"Melissa," he whispered as he dropped to the ground.

Kensi stepped back, her blood running ice cold. Shots rang out in slow motion until she was jarred back into reality when Deeks slammed her into the shipping container, his body shielding hers as he fired at the men advancing on them.

"You good?" He hissed in her ear.

Training took over and pushed the shock to the back of her mind as she grabbed her weapon again. She took out the man who had been winging shots perilously close to her and leveled her gun at another right before Deeks took him out. Their breath was harsh in the now still night air. The squeal of tires had them both lifting their weapons.

"That's Sam and Callen, no other vehicles on site." Eric said over the com's and Kensi relaxed only to turn back around to see Eddie laying on the ground. Blood was staining his shirt and pooling around his body. She took a step towards him but Deeks' hand clamped firmly on her arm and steered her away.

"Nothing you can do now, let's go," he said kicking the gun away from the man who lay closest to them. They approached the car with weapons raised. Deeks edged in front of her and opened the car door. He turned so quickly she practically collided with him as he attempted to push her away.

"Go," he said harshly, but it was already too late. The ice cold ball in her stomach grew and she heard her own shuddery intake of breath as she looked inside the car. Eddie's fiancee was propped up against the back seat like a broken doll, a small bullet hole marred her forehead.

"He was trying to save her, that's why he tried to shoot you." Kensi said pressing a hand to her chest as it constricted.

"She could have already been dead" Deeks said, his gaze intent on hers.

"I didn't even give him a chance," Kensi whispered unable to tear her gaze from Melissa's body. "I just shot him."

"Don't" Deeks said, edging between Kensi and the body.

"I helped her pick out her wedding dress," Kensi said sucking in a harsh breath and fighting the urge to crumble right there. "She had no friends in town so-" her voice cracked, "We found a great dress, she can't wear the dress." Kensi said, numbly aware of the fact that Deeks was pushing her back towards the car. She didn't have it in her to fight him and she closed her eyes as they passed by Eddie again. Guilt weighed like a stone in her chest.

* * *

She was deathly pale and when he pushed her into the passenger side seat she rested her head back and closed her eyes. It terrified him more than if she would have burst into tears. He headed back to the scene of the shootout to find Sam and Callen walking towards him.

"Where's Kensi?" Callen asked, concern etching his face.

"She's fine, she had to take out Eddie." Deeks said, his voice a low murmur. There was a lot of death in their job, you even kind of got used to it, or at least hardened yourself to it. It was different when the death was that of someone you considered a friend. Despite his rich criminal history, at the end of it Eddie had just been a guy trying to protect the woman he loved.

"What happened?" Sam asked looking towards the car where all they could see was Kensi's silhouette.

"I don't know, we heard the car, Kensi turned around to see how many guys we were dealing with and next thing I know there's a gun to my head and Kensi fired." He shook his head and ran a shaking hand through his hair. He couldn't help but think that maybe if he hadn't been admiring just how beautiful his partner had looked with the setting sun glowing on her skin he would have noticed Eddie pulling a gun on him. Then maybe he could have wrestled the gun from Eddie's hands and his partner wouldn't have had to shoot a friend. Or it could have been him laying there with his blood seeping into the earth. He closed his eyes and swallowed the heaviness in his heart.

"Melissa's dead." He said hollowly, gesturing to the car.

Sam shook his head

"Damn" he said, his voice tinged with regret.

Although they didn't have the details yet Deeks already had a pretty good idea of what happened. McCarthy had found out Eddie was talking to NCIS and he'd threatened him with Melissa's wife, all Eddie had to do was give him two NCIS agents dead or alive, it hardly mattered, he would have killed them personally if he had to.

Callen took a hesitant step towards the car and seemed to change his mind.

"She gonna be okay?" He asked Deeks

Deeks shrugged and looked towards the car, guilt coating his throat.

"Have you ever had to shoot someone you thought was a friend?"

Callen pressed his lips together and fiddled with the strap on his gun holster.

"She's going to need someone." Was all he said before walking to the car that held Melissa's body.

Deeks phone buzzed and Hetty's picture flashed on the screen as he hit answer.

"Hey Hetty."

"How's your partner?"

Of course she already knew, he thought.

"She uh, I don't think she's doing too good." Deeks said frowning at the ground.

"I regret that I have to do this, but I need the both of you to come in for a briefing immediately. I want this situation handled before Granger gets wind of it."

"We'll be there," Deeks said and slipped the phone into his pocket as he made his way back to Kensi.

She was staring straight ahead and he could see the evidence of tears drying along her cheekbone.

"We have to head back to OPS, I need the keys." Deeks said gently. Kensi handed them over wordlessly and he pulled the car out of the lot. The silence was heavy in the car as they drove to NCIS headquarters.

Deeks laid a hand on Kensi's arm, his gaze trained on the road.

"It wasn't your fault," he said.

"I'm fine," Kensi replied, moving her arm.

Deeks resisted the urge to push and they drove the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

She could feel Deeks' eyes on her as he parked the car and because she couldn't stand the compassion she knew she would see Kensi was out of the car and walking fast to the NCIS building before he could even get out. Even with the head start he was beside her almost instantly, a silent pillar of support. More than anything she wanted to just stop and turn to him, lay her head on his shoulder and maybe even believe him when he told her it was going to be okay. The thought made her already shaky control fracture and she clenched her fist hard, nails biting into the skin of her palm. He jumped to open the door for her and she wanted to hit him for making her feel so fragile.

Hetty was waiting for them in the hallway, her lips pressed into a grim line. She gestured to one of the meeting rooms to the left.

"I think we may want to have a little privacy," was all she said before turning into the room ahead of them.

Deeks squeezed her wrist in a quick gesture of comfort as they followed Hetty into the small room. She wished he hadn't, it only made her feel weaker.

She sat numbly while Hetty questioned Deeks and they filled out the necessary forms. When Hetty turned to her she answered her questions as precisely as possible, her mind focusing only on the order of events, not the roiling emotions and guilt that accompanied them.

"Did you announce your intention to fire if the suspect did not lower his weapon?"

"No," Kensi said as Eddies face flashed in her mind.

"Why not?"

The question ripped at the composure she tried so desperately to keep. She gripped the chair tightly as she answered.

"I had been suspicious, the suspect was acting erratically all night. I saw him reach for the gun and aim it at my partner's head. I reacted."

Hetty nodded and closed the file she held.

"If you would like to take some personal time before filling in your incident report you may." Hetty said as she stood.

"I don't need it." Kensi said quickly,

"Perhaps an hour to clear your mind." Hetty said as her eyes burned into Kensi's

She nodded and walked out of the tiny room to the lockers. Guilt weighed heavily and her heart ached for the woman who would never marry the man she loved in the perfect white dress they had picked out. Eddie's face flashed into her mind again, the way the life had slowly ebbed out of his eyes as Melissa's name slipped from his lips. Kensi shook her head violently to try and clear the image from her head. It was still to fresh, too painful to deal with. All she wanted now was escape. She changed into tight running pants and a thin long sleeved top and laced up her sneakers. Her iPod was already blasting earsplitting techno when she walked out the doors of the NCIS building.

* * *

Deeks watched Kensi leave the room and met Hetty's eyes. He knew she wanted to speak with him so he waited patiently as she shuffled the files into place.

"Of all of us, I think you know best how to help your partner."

Deeks expelled a breath of air.

"I don't know what to say," he said looking helplessly up at Hetty.

"Sometimes words are not what's needed." Hetty said vaguely, looking carefully at him. The woman's eyes probed his and he shifted uncomfortably, feeling as always that she saw straight into his thoughts.

"You feel guilty." Hetty said tapping the file in her hand.

"I wasn't paying attention, if I'd been more focused Kensi wouldn't have had to shoot Eddie."

Hetty sighed and crossed her arms.

"Mr. Deeks do you always expect to be attacked by a friend?" Deeks shrugged his shoulders and scrubbed a hand over his face.

"It was all so damn fast, I barely had time to react when she shot him." Deeks said heavily. "All he wanted was to bring down McCarthy so he and Melissa could get married and have two point five kids and a dog." He shook his head humorlessly.

"We will get McCarthy, it's only a matter of time. Right now you need to go to your partner, she trusts you." Hetty said, gesturing to the door.

Deeks nodded and brushed past her to go to the NCIS training room, expecting to find his partner pummeling the bag but the room was silent and empty. Worry creased his brow and he went up to the OPS center where he found Eric and Nell chatting amiably.

"I need you to track Kensi for me." Deeks said.

Eric's brow creased. "Ah, we can't track agents unless they're-"

"Just do it Eric,"

Eric looked surprised at the slight temper behind Deeks' voice and remained where he was.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said before Nell sighed and turned to type something furiously into the computer.

"She's heading north on the bike path alongside Barnard Way at approximately nine miles per hour, suggesting that she's either running or in a very slow moving vehicle." Nell said quickly, shooting an apologetic look at Eric.

Deeks nodded briskly and looked down as his phone beeped. Nell had sent the tracking app to his phone and he could see the small square labeled 'Kensi' inching along the map.

"Thanks," he said as he headed for the car.

* * *

Kensi felt her breath searing in her chest as she pushed herself harder up the slight hill. The moonlit beach was almost empty and no one walked alongside the bike path where she ran. The cold air numbed her skin and the music blasting in her ears blocked out the sound of water hitting sand. She focused only on each line of the sidewalk, letting them hypnotize her as she ran forward. Guilt and thoughts of Eddie tried to poke in so she ran harder, trying to outrun them. Her muscles burned but she pushed on, desperate to have just a moment longer where she wouldn't have to feel. The bike came out of nowhere and she had to jump out of the way, breaking her stride and setting off her rhythm. Her breath came faster and her throat closed up so she sprinted, a pathetic attempt to hold off the sob lodged in her throat.

Tears ran warm then icy cold against her cheeks as she slowed, no longer able to keep going. A sob burst out and she clamped a hand over her mouth, mortified that she was having a breakdown in the middle of the path that ran alongside the beach. She tried again to force herself into a run, but her breath was coming too erratically and her knees began to buckle. Kensi stopped and tried to brace her hand against the low stone wall that edged the beach when a hand touched her arm. She whirled around to see Deeks saying something but the techno blasting in her ears was drowning it out. Anger had her launching herself at him but he was quick and blocked the punch. He tugged the headphones from her ears and grunted as she landed a punch in his ribs.

"Okay that's enough," he said as he pinned her arm behind her back. Kensi struggled and tried to break free of his grip but his arm was like steel clamped on hers.

"Let go!" She snapped, trying unsuccessfully to snatch her arm from his grip. He held firm.

"I'm taking you home." Was all he said as he pushed her towards the car he'd parked up the street.

"No-" her voice broke and he released her immediately, concern etched on his face. She was trembling now and humiliated at how weak she felt. His expression gentled and he reached for her.

"Come here" he whispered, tugging her closer and wrapping his arms around her. Kensi turned her face into his neck, breathing in the scent of soap and sea that always lingered on his skin. His arms were warm and solid around her. She didn't want to accept the comfort, to lean on someone else. It had been only her for so long and she was afraid of needing someone again, of being ripped to pieces when they had to go. He nuzzled her hair, reminding her so much of Monty that she smiled despite everything.

"Okay," She said against his chest and his arms slid away. His eyes were looking into hers, probing, and because she knew he could probably read her like an open book she looked away.

"I'll go home," she said walking towards the car. He walked beside her and bumped her shoulder companionably.

"America's Next Top Model marathon?" He asked.

"I didn't invite you," Kensi said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I know, but you shouldn't be alone." He said quietly.

"I can handle it," she said even as the guilt pushed at her.

"Sure you can, but that doesn't mean you have to."

Because she still felt raw inside and the prospect of being alone with her thoughts had panic licking at her again she relented.

"Fine," Kensi said meeting his eyes "But no making fun of the models."

Humor glimmered in his eyes "Well if they didn't make it so easy I wouldn't have to. Come on, they're practically begging for it." He said reaching for the driver's door.

"What are you doing?" Kensi asked.

Deeks grinned sheepishly and handed her the car keys.

"Right, I'll just get in the other side then."

Her hand shook just a little as she started the car and she jumped when country music blasted from the stereo.

"Sorry," he said, flashing her a charming grin as he reached over to change the dial to the station they usually listened to when driving together.

"You're never driving my car again," Kensi said as she turned the car into the street. The car was silent for a long moment before Deeks spoke again.

"It's going to be okay Kens" he said, dropping a hand on her shoulder and squeezing.

She wanted to believe him, wanted desperately to feel like she hadn't made a mistake. But the fact remained, in the split second when a decision had to be made she'd reacted purely on emotion, not on training, and that would haunt her forever.

* * *

**My computer has this thing about auto-correcting Hetty to "Hefty", so I apologize if I missed any and left them in the story. There will be a part two! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Special thanks to JerichoSteele for being a great second eye on chapter one, I always appreciate someone taking the time to help me improve! Reviews are greatly appreciated. :)**

They ended up watching a few old reruns of America's Next Top Model and despite his halfhearted promise he made so many snide comments about the hysterics and catfights Kensi had finally changed the channel. He'd watched her carefully, quick glances when she wasn't looking, just to make sure she was okay. To anyone else she would have seemed perfectly fine. To him, the tiny crease between her brows and the way she had her arms crossed almost like she was hugging herself told him she wasn't. She was on the verge of cracking and all he could do was wait and be there when she did. There was no talking or sharing of feelings when it came to Kensi, she didn't operate that way. It took time and a lot of trust for her to open up, let him see just a small part of the tenderness she hid from the rest of the world.

It was just after midnight and 1978's Superman was flickering on the screen. Deeks felt his eyes grow heavy and he stretched, sighing as his back cracked and popped. He looked over and saw that Kensi had already fallen asleep, her head pillowed on her arms and legs curled under her. He debated between leaving her there and carrying her to bed, but decided that option number two would only result in a fist to his jaw. Deeks yawned and kicked off his shoes before stretching out beside her on the couch. He was well aware that he was probably crossing some sort of professional boundary, but then again he'd never really followed the rules anyway.

Kensi sighed in her sleep and a small smile crossed his features. She pulled at him in a way he couldn't quite pinpoint. All that confidence and strength wrapped up in a pretty spectacular package with just the tiniest hint of vulnerability. It was the vulnerability that got to him. It pulled a protectiveness out of him he didn't even know existed. He wasn't the white knight kind of guy, but something about her made him want to be. Deeks snorted and lay his head back. Not for the first time he was glad she couldn't hear his thoughts, he imagined she would laugh in his face. Kensi didn't need anyone to protect her, at least that's what she thought. He turned off the TV and closed his eyes, trying to shift into a comfortable position on the small couch. For a while there was only the sound of quiet even breathing. Every now and then a car would pass by and a dog would bark, but the sounds slowly faded as he slipped into a fitful sleep.

It was only a slight sound but Deeks jerked awake to stare at his surroundings in confusion, he was used to sleeping alone and it took him a moment to get his bearings. He heard it again, the slight whimper and the quick intake of breath before Kensi shot upright, her eyes wide with fear. Her eyes wheeled wildly around the room before meeting his and then she launched herself into his arms. It caught him by surprise, to find his hands full of trembling Kensi, but he immediately smoothed a hand over her hair in comfort.

"Hey, it was just a dream Kens, it's okay."

She let out a shuddering breath and then pulled away to scrub her hands over her face.

"God, sorry." She said, shaking her head. "You didn't have to stay."

* * *

She still felt shaky as the visions of the dream faded from her mind but the hot flush of embarrassment was quickly taking over. This time in her dream it hadn't been Eddie who she'd shot, but Deeks, and it was his blood that had been staining the ground. Kensi stood suddenly and went to her fridge to grab a bottle of water, stumbling over the sweater she'd tossed on the floor only yesterday. Deeks was watching her when she came back, and she wanted nothing more than to run into her room and throw the covers over her head but she bit down and looked him in the eye.

"You don't have to stay, I'm fine."

Deeks took the untouched water bottle from her hands and cracked it open, taking a long drink before handing it back to her.

"I'm not fine." He said

When Kensi only frowned at him he leaned back and stared at the coffee table as if he found it fascinating.

"I wasn't paying attention. I should have had my guard up and kept an eye on Eddie but instead I let him pull a gun on me and then you had to shoot him. I'm sorry," he said finally meeting her eyes again. "I could have prevented all of this."

"Don't pull that bullshit." Kensi said furiously, holding up a finger to silence him when he opened his mouth. "I made a mistake and you're trying to take the blame. I got emotional, I didn't think." Her voice broke and she brushed angrily at the tears that spilled. "All I could see was a gun to your head and I was so scared I just shot him. I didn't even give him a chance to stop. I killed him." The water bottle crunched in her hand as she squeezed her fist and she felt her knuckles warm as his hand closed over hers.

"You saved my life Kens, you did what you had to do. If anyone is at fault it's McCarthy, he's the one who put Eddie in the position he was in. If you hadn't reacted when you did both Eddie and I would be dead and you would be beating yourself up because you didn't act fast enough. Don't let McCarthy win this one."

Kensi shook her head and moved her hand from his.

"You don't understand. Every time, every time we go into a gunfight I am so scared I'll lose you. I'm terrified you'll get shot and I-." She broke off and moved to face away from him. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." She whispered, suddenly realizing just why so very few agents who worked together became involved. He was looking at her and she felt so afraid, so open, and everything inside of her rebelled against it. The big scary unknown of what was between them pulled at her and she shut it down, her only defense against the storm of emotions inside of her. Her nails bit into the palm of her flesh but she said the words anyway, because pushing him away was better than feeling like this.

"I don't think we should work together." The words burned out of her throat and left an empty hole right where her heart should have been. It was quiet for a long tense moment before Deeks spoke, his voice full of quiet fury.

"Don't bring us into this." He shifted forward and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face him. "One has absolutely nothing to do with the other, don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same for Sam or Callen or any other member of the team Kensi. Sometimes we have to make a decision in a split second and there isn't time to think it through and make the smartest choice. Sometimes it's kill or be killed and I'm really glad you chose the way you chose because I'm not sure I would be here if you hadn't."

"But I let my emotions take over, what kind of agent can I be if I let it take over my training?" she asked, no longer caring how small and vulnerable her voice sounded.

"Did you? Because what I saw was you reacting in the blink of an eye and doing exactly what we were trained to do. Disarm the suspect in the fastest and most efficient way possible." He ran a hand over his face and let out a frustrated breath. "We weren't trained to deal with what happens after, when it isn't a suspect but someone who was a friend."

"So what do we do?" She asked, her eyes meeting his.

"We don't blame ourselves." He said, his hand reaching out to grab hers again.

It was as if a weight had lifted from her chest and the giddy relief had her letting out a slow breath.

"I trusted my training." Kensi said, holding his gaze. "It wasn't me getting emotional."

"No you didn't, in fact I would say that you did better than a lot of agents would have in that situation, including me." His thumb caressed her knuckles, sending warmth dancing up her arm. "You are amazing." He said it so quietly she almost thought she imagined it. The words touched a part deep inside of her that warmed and glowed.

"Thank you" she said, feeling suddenly exhausted. The push and pull of emotions had utterly drained her, but she lifted her eyes to meet his one more time. "We're going to get that sorry bastard and we're going to make him pay for what he did to Eddie and Melissa."

A slow smile crossed his face and he lifted a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "That's my girl," he said. The air changed and thickened, his eyes turned a deep blue as they dropped to her mouth and back up again. She swallowed hard and the hand she rested on his knee tensed as she felt her throat close up.

"Go to bed" he said, his voice rough.

Kensi was up like a rocket, her heart bumping wildly.

"Goodnight" she said, turning to her bedroom. Her hand hovered on the handle and she looked back to see Deeks stretching back out on the couch. It was an odd comfort to know she wouldn't be alone tonight and when she laid her head on her pillow she fell into an instant and dreamless sleep.

**A/N: Thank you for the great welcome into the NCIS:LA fandom! Part three will be up soon and as for my other story W-2's, Beer, and a Couch, though I wasn't really planning on it I will add a second chapter there as well since a few people asked for one. Hope you enjoyed part 2 of Break!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: You guys are seriously the best! Extra long chapter, sorry for the wait but I got attacked by Donna/Harvey feelings and I had to write for them. If you're not watching Suits on USA you should be, it's amazing. **

* * *

The sun that streamed into her windows seemed too bright. Kensi stretched languidly and fumbled for her phone, surprised that her alarm hadn't woken her. Her hand closed over a piece of paper and she blinked to clear her eyes.

_Hetty gave you the day off_.

Kensi frowned and picked up her phone to check the time, gasping when she saw the display. It was almost eleven. She rolled off her bed and stalked into the living room, ready to give Deeks a piece of her mind for turning off her alarm, but there was no sign of him. She stared at her empty apartment for a moment, contemplating taking the day off but decided against it. She would spend all day thinking about McCarthy anyway and it was better to go in to work where she could do something about it. She grabbed a pair of clean jeans from the pile on her chair and headed for the shower.

* * *

Deeks groaned as he filled out what seemed like his millionth form. He thrived on the part of his job that had him chasing after suspects and hunting down leads, the paperwork bored him to tears. There was a reason he'd quit law, too much paperwork, not enough action. Deeks rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck attempting to focus on the FD-302 form on his laptop. Since Eddie had been killed in action and he'd gone from unofficial criminal informant status to suspect status they had to transfer all his information to the proper forms, which meant at least three hours of paperwork. Or it would be three hours if he could focus.

Sam and Callen were arguing about the benefits of yoga which Sam was angrily defending. Since his only other option was paperwork Deeks leaned back in his chair and watched them.

"Look if I'm going to spend an hour of my time doing something it's not going to be a few stretches."

"Have you ever done yoga? It requires immense control and focus, not to mention a huge amount of core strength." Sam said

"Right, what was that pose where you're lying on your back?"  
"It's called Shavasana, and it is a pose that helps to rejuvenate mind, body, and spirit through meditation. Maybe you could benefit from a little relaxation, G."

"Are you saying I'm uptight?"Callen asked in mock offense.

"No what I'm saying is that your body would work a lot better if you took care of it every once in a while."

Callen scoffed and turned his attention to Deeks.

"Hey Deeks, why don't you tell Sam that the only real benefit to me doing yoga is picking up women?"

A slow smile slid across Deeks' face as he started to agree with Callen but a threatening glare from Sam changed his mind.

"Uh, Yoga is actually harder than it looks, you have to use a lot of control, it's a beautiful fitness regimen." Deeks thought of the group of lovely, lithe women in those tight little outfits doing down dog. "A really beautiful fitness regimen." He repeated wistfully.

"That says everything really" Callen said turning back to Sam.

Sam threw up his hands in defeat and shook his head.

"You know what, don't come crying to me the next time we come back from and op and you guys are sore and bruised."

"No more of those grass flavored smoothies?" Callen asked, his voice filled with fake disappointment.

"Mock me all you want, wheatgrass cleanses and energizes your body, not to mention if you drink a shot every day you won't even feel those bruises and sore muscles."

Deeks leaned back in his chair. "You drink enough shots of vodka you won't even feel your face, much less your sore muscles.

Callen snorted.

"Oh yeah, you want to test that theory out right now smart guy?" Sam asked threateningly.

Deeks lifted his hands in surrender and Sam pointed at his laptop.

"Don't you have paperwork to do?"

"I was trying, but then you guys started bickering like an old married couple and I got distracted."

Sam pretended to lunge at him and Deeks flinched.

Callen laughed and kicked his feet up on the desk. "Which one of us would be the wife?"

"I'm not answering that question because I feel threatened in the workplace."

"I can't leave you alone for two seconds can I?"

Deeks looked up to see Kensi staring at him with an amused look on her face.

"You had the day off." He said pointedly

She shrugged, "So I'll add it to my next vacation."

Deeks sighed and rolled his eyes before pulling the flash drive from his computer and standing up to drop it on her desk.

"Paperwork" he said, crossing his fingers as he walked away.

"Wait," Kensi held up a finger and eyed the flash drive suspiciously.

"If I had the day off then that means this is your paperwork." She gave him an incredulous look. "Are you trying to pawn your paperwork off on me?"

"No, I-"

"Wow," Sam said, shaking his head.

"Okay, no, I was just letting you, see what I was trying to do was I knew you would be bored so I just wanted to-"

"Nice try," Kensi said glaring at him "get that off my desk," she said pointing to the flash drive.

Deeks picked it up and tried a charming smile.

"If you do my paperwork I'll do your weapons inventory for next week."

Kensi pursed her lips, considering. "Nope" she said, flashing him a brilliant smile.

"Fine, I'll do your laundry."

"Laundry's clean, better get started Deeks." Kensi said.

"What? No it's not, there are at least two loads worth on your floor, and that's not even counting the bedroom."

He realized his mistake a moment too late as Kensi's eyes widened and her mouth pressed into a tight line.

"I mean, I'm guessing, cause you know, you always have laundry on your floor," he finished lamely.

"Smooth," Callen said from behind him.

"Yeah, good one." Sam said leaning forward and sharing a look with Callen.

"So, how come you know how much laundry Kensi has in her bedroom?" Callen asked with interest.

"I-"

Eric's sharp piercing whistle cut him off and Deeks sent a silent thank you to the heavens before bolting up the stairs.

* * *

Kensi grit her teeth as Deeks dashed away and left her with Sam and Callen who were both smirking and exchanging knowing grins.

"Nothing happened," she said, leveling them each with a threatening glare.

Callen nodded, and met Sam's eyes behind her.

"I've got work to do," Kensi snapped before turning away to follow Deeks into OPS.

Nell looked up in surprise when Kensi walked in and gave her a small smile. Kensi returned the smile and stood purposely across the room from Deeks.

Callen and Sam arrived shortly after and Eric blew surveillance pictures up on the screen.

"McCarthy was never at the drop sight, he just sent out a few of his associates to deal with Eddie."

Nell stood and took the tablet from Eric's hand.

"Preliminary autopsy reports are in," her eyes met Kensi's "Melissa had been dead two hours prior to the planned ambush from a single gunshot wound to the head."

Kensi nodded, swallowing as that final worry faded away. "Thanks," she mouthed to Nell.

Nell nodded and turned back to the screen.

"We've been able to track McCarthy's movements and we have reason to believe he's meeting with another buyer tonight."

Deeks shook his head.

"No, it's another set up. It doesn't make sense, if you've got the cops after you, you lay low. Number one bad guy rule."

"Bad guy rule?" Callen asked.

Deeks shrugged his shoulders, "What? It's called organized crime for a reason."

Callen shook his head and Nell continued.

"That's what we thought at first too, but this morning Eric and I saw that the motion sensors in one of his warehouses had been activated so we checked the surveillance footage from some of the cams Eddie had installed and we found this." She flicked her finger over the surface of the tablet and a grainy video popped up on the big screen.

Nell hit play and they saw McCarthy pacing the floor, his movements erratic as he argued with someone over the phone.

_"No I need to move the shipment now! I've got cops and feds crawling up my ass and I need to get out of town for a bit." _There was a pause as McCarthy listened to the voice on the other end of the line._ "Look, the only person who knows about this is my brother and I can guarantee he hasn't been talking to the cops." _There was a another pause and McCarthy fisted his hands in his hair in frustration_. "Okay, forty percent off the merchandise if you pay in cash by tonight. Yeah, we got a deal you cheap bastard. Meet me at the place we talked about at eight."_

Kensi looked frantically at Nell as the video stopped.

"That's it? What's the place?"

Nell shrugged, "no clue, he left right after he made the call."

"He's planning to ditch town, there's no way we get him if he does that." Kensi said, desperation tingeing her tone.

Eric typed something into the computer and footage from a traffic cam popped up over the video.

"We tracked him from the warehouse to a gas station where he exchanged cars with one of his guys and drove to this bar on 201 east Broadway in Longbeach, he hasn't moved since."

Kensi frowned at the screen.

"No way he could have slipped out the back?" she asked.

"We've got camera angles on all sides of the building and Eric hacked into the bar's security cams. He's been sitting at a booth in the back for almost three hours now."

Kensi nodded, her anger building as she stared at the man who had caused the deaths of Melissa, Eddie, and countless others.

She noticed Deeks jolt out of the corner of her eye as Hetty spoke beside him, seeming to have appeared out of thin air.

"Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna I need you to stake out the bar while Miss Blye and Mr. Deeks plant a tracking device on our suspect's vehicle." A secret smile touched her lips and not for the first time Kensi suspected that Hetty enjoyed sneaking up on Deeks just to see him jump.

"Ah, do you think there's a chance McCarthy knows about me and Kensi?" Deeks asked

"I think he most certainly does and as such you would do well to stay out of sight."

"Got it." Deeks said meeting Kensi's gaze.

Sam and Callen left and Kensi made to follow them.

"If I could have a moment Miss Blye?"

"Sure" Kensi said, her shoulders already tensing. She walked with Hetty a short distance down the hall before Hetty turned and stopped.

"I gave you the day off."  
Kensi nodded, her expression tight.

"I didn't need it."

"Perhaps not," Hetty said, looking carefully at her "but I decided to make the option available."

Kensi nodded, unsure of what to do as Hetty continued to study her.

"Miss Blye, there is a fine line between justice and revenge, it is important that we always stay on the right side."

Kensi wondered for a brief moment if Hetty could actually read minds and then dismissed it as she frowned at the floor.

"I'm angry," she confessed tapping her foot impatiently.

"Do you think it will affect your judgment?"

"No, I think it will only make me more determined to get McCarthy once and for all."

"Very well," Hetty gave Kensi's hand a reassuring squeeze "go meet your team in the weapons room."

Kensi nodded and headed down the stairs.

"Oh and Miss Blye,"

Kensi stopped, turned to face Hetty.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I had to be so rough on you last night, sometimes to protect my agents I have to follow protocol even if I rather wouldn't."

Kensi breathed out, her shoulders relaxing.

"I understand."

Sam and Callen were loading vests into a bag when Kensi stepped into the weapons room. She walked over to where Deeks was loading weapons and grabbed a gun, sliding a round of bullets into the chamber.

"What did Hetty want?" He asked

"Nothing" Kensi said, shoving another round of ammo into the gun.

"Didn't seem like nothing." Deeks said taking the gun from her and putting it in the case alongside the others.

Kensi paused in the act of loading another gun and looked up at him. "She wanted to know if I could handle myself."

He nodded and secured the gun in the case.

"I _can_ handle myself." Kensi said pointedly.

"I know," he said simply.

"Then why'd you turn off my alarm this morning?"

"Thought you could use a few hours sleep."

Kensi paused, considered, and decided to forgive him.

"Thanks, I did. But don't do it again."

"Duly noted." Deeks said

"I hope you slept okay on the couch."

"Your couch is deceptively comfortable, but the next time I sleep over we're sharing the bed."

"Next time?" Kensi asked raising an eyebrow.

"Sure, we'll have a sleepover, a little partner bonding time. Movies, popcorn, pillow fights in our underwear..." Deeks gave her a lecherous smile.

"No that is definitely not happening." Kensi said, grabbing a bag and swinging it over her shoulder.

"Aw come on!" Deeks said, picking up the weapons case and following her as they made their way to the car. "You don't want to bond with your partner?"

"Not the way you had in mind." Kensi shot back.

"My version is PG rated, your version sounds dirty." he increased his pace until he was walking alongside her. "Tell me about your version," he said.

Kensi rolled her eyes and ignored him.

"Come on." Deeks said, poking her playfully in the side.

"Stop it." Kensi snapped even as the laugh she was holding back escaped.

* * *

Deeks scanned the area as Kensi parked the car. They were stopped a block away from the bar where Sam and Callen were already in position. He got out and grabbed the tracking device Eric had given them to put on McCarthy's car and waited for Kensi to join him.

"Do you see any movement by McCarthy's car?" Kensi asked Eric as they set off down the street.

"No, parking lot's clear, you've got a few cars in the lot for coverage."

"Great, thanks Eric."

They neared the parking lot for the bar and Kensi and Deeks stood behind the wall of the building adjacent to the lot.

"How's his line of sight to the parking lot?" Deeks asked Callen who was sitting a few tables away from the booth where McCarthy sat.

"Stay low, he would definitely see you if he turned around." Callen said.

"Right" Deeks said, scanning the area once more for any sign of McCarthy's men. Satisfied they wouldn't be seen he motioned for Kensi to follow him. They crouched low as they wove through the scattering of cars towards McCarthy's faded blue sedan.

Kensi held out her hand for the tracking device and scooted underneath the car to attach it to the undercarriage. She grunted as she struggled with the attachment on the device and Deeks poked his head under the car to grin at her.

"Need some help there shnookums?"

"Shut up Deeks."

He chuckled and looked around to make sure they were still in the clear.

"Woah, you got two guys coming up behind you, about four cars back, coming in from the east." Eric said.

Deeks started to move and saw Kensi still struggling with the device.

"Leave it," he ordered, tugging on her leg.

"Almost got it." She said.

"They're almost on you." Eric warned.

"Kensi!" Deeks hissed, but she ignored him and wiggled fully under the car and out of sight.

"Really?" He whispered before darting behind a car and out of sight moments before McCarthy's men walked up to the sedan. Deeks could see a clear outline of the guns stashed under their shirts and his heart began to thud in terror. Kensi was vulnerable underneath the car and if they noticed her they would shoot without hesitation. He waited with bated breath as they discussed something and then got into the car.

"Get out of there Kens," he ordered.

"I can't,"

"Leave the damn device and get out of there!" He whispered furiously.

"I can't, I'm caught on the wheel axle."

"Dammit," he said before standing up and stumbling to the car, praying McCarthy's men didn't recognize him.

"Hey!" He yelled, making sure to add a drunken slur to his voice. "Any of you pretty ladies know where a man can buy a drink?" He asked, sitting on the hood of the car as one of the men got out.

"Bar's over there, scram." He said.

Deeks looked over at the bar and sneered. "Kicked me out! Man can't buy a beer in this town without people judging him."

"Not our problem," the driver said.

Deeks slid off the hood dramatically and wrenched open the door to the driver's side.

"Wanna say that to my face?" He asked, dodging as the man lunged at him. Deeks kicked him hard enough in the balls to make himself cringe and then took off in a dead run as the other man rounded the hood and chased after him. Deeks glanced back to see the driver stumbling after him and the other man and whipped around a corner, hoping to lose them.

"Now would be a really good time to get the hell out of there!" He yelled as he sprinted down a narrow alleyway.

He heard the faint sound of the men yelling and cut around another corner, circling back to the car they'd parked away from the bar. Footsteps thudded close by and he drew his weapon, relaxing when Kensi burst out of an alley just ahead of him.

"Are you crazy?" He demanded, noting the tear in her shirt where she must have been caught.

"Device has been secured and activated," was all she said as she hopped into the car and waited for him to get in before gunning the engine and circling around so that they were close enough to the bar to follow McCarthy when he left, but hidden out of sight behind a ragged looking souvenir shop.

"What happened?" Callen's voice asked over the com.

"I got stuck under the car, Deeks had to create a diversion." Kensi said.

They heard a snicker over the com's and Eric's voice. "Deeks nailed one of McCarthy's guys in the gonads."

"I pulled a Kensi" Deeks supplied, grinning at her.

"Didn't Hetty tell you guys to be subtle?" Sam asked, the sarcasm evident in his voice.

Deeks looked at Kensi and shrugged his shoulders.

"I thought that was subtle."

"A guy in a gorilla suit would be more subtle than you Deeks," Sam replied.

Kensi chuckled at that and Deeks gave her an incredulous look.

"Hey, I just saved your ass back there, the least you could do is be on my team."

Kensi gave him an innocent look, "what? It was funny."

Deeks shook his head and sat back in the seat.

Callens voice sounded over the com."He's moving, Eric keep a visual on him."

Suddenly all business the team sprang into action. Nell sent the constantly updated GPS coordinates to each of their phones and there was a beep as the app popped up on their screens with the red dot indicating McCarthy's location.

Sam followed McCarthy out of the bar discreetly and made his way to the charger, getting in and driving slowly enough past McCarthy and his men to make out a few snippets of conversation. As soon as he was out of the lot he circled around back to pick up Callen who was just stepping out of the rear exit.

"I don't think your little incident is going to cause any problems. McCarthy's men are either too stupid or too scared of him to mention it." Sam said.

Deeks checked his watch, the display read 7:08PM.

"Less than an hour until the exchange."

Kensi tapped her hand impatiently on the wheel, brow creased in concentration.

"He's bound to be paranoid, follow at a safe distance, don't let him spot you." Callen said. "Kensi and Deeks you're good to go, follow him on adjacent streets as long as you can and then at least three cars back when you can't."

"Got it," Kensi said, easing the car into the street.

* * *

Kensi felt the adrenaline start pumping through her veins as she prepared herself for the likely gunfight. They followed McCarthy to a row of abandoned warehouses and when the dot stopped moving they pulled into the abandoned lot of one of the warehouses and parked the car behind a dumpster well out of sight from the street. Deeks slid out of the passenger's seat and opened the trunk, handing her a vest when she joined him. They strapped on their gear in silence, mentally preparing for the task ahead. Sam and Callen melted out of the darkness, already geared up, and waited for Kensi and Deeks to finish.

"We're going in blind." Callen said "Eric can't find any surveillance cameras and it's too dark for satellite imagery so we're going to have to go in slow and precise."

Kensi and Deeks nodded and the four of them fanned out, relying on hand signals to move forward. Kensi tread carefully on the ground, scanning the area from left to right as she moved along the wall of an empty warehouse. She peeked in the window slowly, and then signaled to the rest of them it was clear. They walked that way for almost twenty minutes, checking and clearing warehouses when Callen stopped suddenly and flattened himself against the wall. Kensi stepped back behind a wall, cloaking herself in darkness as Callen signaled _three men, heading south, armed_.

She felt Deeks step beside her and tapped him on the thigh, repeating the hand signals. He nodded and she signaled to Callen. The three men were dispatched quickly and silently as Sam, Callen, and Deeks slipped out of the darkness and knocked them out. They headed in the direction the men had come from and soon enough they heard the scraping of metal over the ground as crates were dragged and hoisted onto a truck. They stepped out of the darkness and pointed their weapons at the men moving the guns.

"Federal Agents, freeze!" Callen yelled, ducking behind a low wall as one of the men sent a spray of bullets in his direction. Chaos erupted and there were shouts and pops of gunfire. Kensi dove behind a stack of crates and took out two men who were running towards her. Bullets splintered wood and she popped out again, taking out another guy aiming for Sam. Two bullets exploded mere inches from her shoulder and embedded into the crates. She dove behind the wall and stumbled over one of the opened crates, causing her to lose her balance and fall right in the line of fire. The man who aimed at her fell, blood already pooling from his chest and she rolled back behind the stack of crates. A movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned to see McCarthy running away from the scene.

"Not this time, you sorry bastard" she said and took off running after him. Bullets flew past her and she turned, fired two bullets into the assailants chest, and took off after McCarthy again.

"I've got McCarthy! He's running!" She yelled into her com, her breath coming fast as she picked up speed.

"Wait for backup!" Callen yelled.

"He's getting away!" She yelled back, reloading her weapon as she ran. "McCarthy, freeze!"

He turned to look at her and took a quick left around a corner. Kensi sprinted after him and stopped at the corner, popping her head out quickly to see if he was aiming at her. He kept running so she bolted after him, firing a shot that missed his leg by inches. He feinted to the right and turned so quickly she didn't have enough time to react before she felt the bullets hit her vest in quick successive punches. She tried to fight her body's natural instinct to fall, her legs going rubbery as she was brought to her knees. Time slowed to a crawl as she saw McCarthy's gun glinting in the moonlight, aiming straight at her head. All she could think was that it was a shame she hadn't asked Deeks to sleep in her bed last night when she heard the shot and flinched.

There was no pain, or blood, or heavenly light, only the sensation of being yanked roughly off the ground, an angry voice demanding something. Time sped up again and blood rushed into her ears as adrenaline spiked into her blood.

"What the hell were you thinking? Are you hurt? Are you shot? Dammit you're bleeding!" Deeks said, fear causing his voice to become rough. Kensi blinked and looked at the blood trailing down her arm.

"Piece of wood nicked me." She said swiping at the blood.

Deeks grabbed her arms and shook her lightly "What the hell were you thinking?" He repeated

She opened her mouth to answer him but found herself shoved up against the wall, his mouth fused to hers in a desperate kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

*****WARNING*****

**This chapter will have an M-rated part, I will mark it clearly in between a row of ****MMMMMMM****'s like this. Skip over it if you'd like, you have been warned. **

**A/N: Thank you all of you for reviewing, I am so thankful for the great readers and lovely responses I got. Hope you enjoy Chapter 4 of Break. :) **

* * *

_There was no pain, or blood, or heavenly light, only the sensation of being yanked roughly off the ground, an angry voice demanding something. Time sped up again and blood rushed into her ears as adrenaline spiked into her blood. _

_"What the hell were you thinking? Are you hurt? Are you shot? Dammit you're bleeding!" Deeks said, fear causing his voice to become rough. Kensi blinked and looked at the blood trailing down her arm._

_"Piece of wood nicked me." She said swiping at the blood. _

_Deeks grabbed her arms and shook her lightly "What the hell were you thinking?" He repeated_

_She opened her mouth to answer him but found herself shoved up against the wall, his mouth fused to hers in a desperate kiss. _

* * *

Twin rockets of adrenaline and lust shot straight through her and she was left absolutely speechless as Deeks released her, his breath coming heavily.

"Shit," was all he said as they heard Sam and Callen shouting their names.

"We're fine!" Deeks yelled just as Sam and Callen came running around the corner and Deeks stepped away from her.

Kensi grunted in pain as she pulled off her vest, almost certain that she was going to end up with a few nasty bruises. She was just glad the bullets hadn't come from a higher caliber weapon or she would've had a broken rib to deal with.

"Call an ambulance for Kensi, she was hit, looks like she took it all in the vest." Deeks said, refusing to look at her.

"No, I'm fine, I don't need an ambulance."

"Just shut up, okay." Deeks said, his voice unsteady. Sam looked curiously at Deeks and walked over to Kensi, helping her out of her vest.

"How's your breathing, any pinching?"

"No," Kensi said, wincing as she pulled back her shoulder to slide off the vest.

"Take a deep breath for me." Sam said gently, and Kensi did as she was told, her eyes on Deeks. She could tell he was angry with her, and had the situation been reversed she would have been furious at him too. She opened her mouth to apologize, to try and explain, but she was cut off by the blare of sirens as an ambulance sped onto the lot. Two EMT's came rushing out. They ushered her to the back of the van and since she refused to be taken to the hospital they sat her down and ran some basic diagnostics. She winced as they slid a cold stethoscope under her shirt and told her to breathe deeply.

"Looks like you're going to have some pretty bad bruising but it doesn't look like there are any breaks or fractures." The EMT pressed on the spots already turning red and Kensi hissed out a breath.

"Hmm, well I really would prefer if you would come in for some X-rays but I can't force you." He said, tutting over the marks.

"I'm fine," Kensi said and hopped off the back of the truck, pulling her shirt over her head. She looked around for Deeks and was confused when she saw only Sam walking towards her.

"Where's Deeks?"

"He's headed to the Mission with G, if you're ready we can head over for our initial debrief."

"Yeah," Kensi said, staring at the ground.

"Look you scared him, he's pissed. He'll come around, it's Deeks, he never stays mad."

* * *

Mad was a kind word for what he was. All the desperate fear he'd felt when he'd heard those shots and seen his partner drop to the ground had turned into blind fury when he'd seen McCarthy point his gun at her. Shoving her up against the wall and kissing her right after she'd almost gotten shot probably hadn't been the best move, he thought regretfully. He'd always imagined their first real kiss would be a bit more romantic, that they would have talked about it a little more. This made a real mess of things, he'd shoved his tongue down her throat and then he'd left her to deal with the EMT's while he rode to the Mission with Callen. He knew he was acting like a jerk, and guilt was already gnawing at him with the way he'd left her. It wouldn't do any good to talk to her now, he was still too angry, to unsettled by the fact that he'd almost lost her because she'd gone off without any backup.

"You know, usually I'm the angry brooding one." Callen said casually as the pulled up to the NCIS Mission.

Deeks snorted, "Usually my partner doesn't drive me this crazy."

"Give her a break, she doesn't always know how to deal with this kind of thing. She wanted him to pay."

"By almost getting herself killed? It was stupid, irresponsible," he sighed rubbed his hands hard over his face. "She scared five years off of me."

"I'm not saying she was smart, I'm just saying you should cut her a break."

"Yeah, maybe, when I don't feel like strangling her," Deeks muttered as they walked inside.

* * *

The adrenaline had worn off and she was starting to feel a dull pounding ache around her ribs where the shots had embedded into the vest. She was silent as Sam drove them to the Mission and she glared at her car as they pulled into the lot. Deeks had a lot of nerve, yelling at her, kissing her brainless, and then stalking off angrily. She decided she would apologize, not because he deserved it, but because she was going to take the higher road. Satisfied with that, she followed Sam inside and looked around for Deeks. She found him at his desk writing down what must have been his initial statement and she stood in front of him, waiting for him to look up.

"I wanted to say that-"

Deeks held up a hand and cut her off.

"I'm sorry for what happened after you got shot."

"You're sorry?" She decided that she wasn't going to apologize, she was going to punch him instead.

"Yeah, what can I say, adrenaline." His voice was oddly distant and he gave her a apologetic smile before giving her a friendly pat on the hand.

Kensi's eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to tell him just where he could stuff his apology when Hetty's voice stopped her.

"You've done good, McCarthy and his second in command have been dispatched and the rest of his group has already disbanded. The chances of them regrouping is slim to none. Very well done." Hetty repeated. "Now go home, rest. You've all had a very long day."

Deeks scribbled his signature onto the bottom of the page and brushed past Kensi to hand his statement to Hetty.

"All done," he announced, his voice gratingly cheerful.

Kensi watched in disbelief as he walked off without her. The idiot probably thought she was going to come crawling after him, begging him for his forgiveness. Well he could forget it. There was no way she was going to beg for anything from him. If he thought he could walk off like nothing had happened between them and pat her on the hand like he was indulging a child then he could just sit at home and mope all by himself. She had better things to do.

Kensi scribbled her statement angrily onto the paper and barely restrained herself from putting _and then my idiot partner kissed me and decided to pretend it was no big deal because he is a coward. _She smiled viciously to herself as she finished writing and signed her name with a flourish. She handed in the statement minus the kiss detail and grabbed her bag. There was a bucket of chocolate ice cream and a hot bath waiting at home for her.

She made it to the hot bath but exhaustion had her flopping face first onto her pillow, wet hair and all. She was asleep in seconds.

* * *

Deeks glared up at the ceiling as the sun slowly rose in the sky. He'd spent all night tossing and turning in fitful sleep. He probably shouldn't have apologized for kissing her, that was his first mistake. Well technically the kiss had been his first mistake but he couldn't really bring himself to regret that. She could twist him up in knots without even trying, and maybe that's what made it all the more powerful. He was in love with her, had probably been for a long time now and last night, that terrifying time stopping moment, had just slammed it straight into his heart. His temper was slowly starting to fade with the rise of the sun and he got up to feed Monty. As Monty danced around his feet in anticipation of his breakfast his thoughts drifted to Kensi.

Her persistence, her loyalty, her desire to bring justice to the world, they were just a few of the things he adored about her. It was also what had made her run after McCarthy, not considering the risk to herself, to him. How could he be angry if he would have done the same thing? Deeks set down Monty's bowl of food and grabbed his car keys. It was about damn time he confronted their thing.

He reached her apartment in record time and since he still had a little bit of mad left in him he pounded loudly on her door. It brought a small sense of satisfaction when she swung the door open, bleary eyed and wild haired. Her expression went from surprised to furious in about a split second and he slipped inside while she was still gaping at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"  
"Good morning to you too, nice hair by the way, I came to talk about our thing."

Kensi reached up to touch her hair and stopped herself.

"Get out."

"Is that any way to treat your partner, especially after he saved your life?"

"I wasn't the one who decided to kiss their partner and then get pissed at them!"

"Yeah, I was going to sit at home and brood about it until you came to apologize but then I thought to myself, this is Kensi Marie Blye, the most stubborn person I've ever met in my life. There's no way she's going to come over here to apologize to me so I brought myself," he flashed her a grin "you're welcome."

"I'm not apologizing to you, you brainless idiot! I didn't do anything!"

His temper threatened to spike again.

"Do you think you're the only one who cares? Who's afraid when they see their partner getting shot at and there's nothing they can do? I swear for a moment there I was going to watch you die Kensi and yeah I got mad and I did something I probably shouldn't have done but you scared the life out of me. You were stupid to go running after him like that without backup."

Even though she'd already admitted to herself that she'd been stupid , hearing him say it only served to enrage her. She lunged at him and he caught her neatly around the waist.

"Quit it! You already have a bruised rib."

Kensi stomped on his instep and he released her on an oath.

"Okay can we talk about this like two adults without you trying to kill me?"

"No," Kensi said and plowed a fist into his gut. He wheezed out a breath, thankful at least that he'd been prepared for the hit and hooked his leg around hers, sending them both tumbling to the ground. They rolled and bucked, each trying to get the upper hand and the effort caused a thin sheen of sweat to coat their skin. He finally pinned her and even though she struggled he held her there.

"That's better," he said out of breath, "now if you would listen to me-"

He was cut off as she spit a stream of inventive curses at him.

"That sounds fun, but this is better" he said, lowering his mouth to hers.

She remained completely still, an emotionless statue as he brushed his lips experimentally against hers.

"See? Much better," he deepened the kiss and released her arms, bracing for the hit. It didn't come, instead she ran her fingers into his hair and fisted her hand there as she kissed him back. His blood burned white hot as a small moan escaped her throat.

**MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**

The kiss turned desperate as their bodies heated and Kensi arched against him, sliding her leg between his and flipping them over so that she straddled him. She sat up and moved against him as she slowly pulled off the t-shirt she'd slept in, revealing that she wore nothing underneath. He took a moment to send up a prayer of thanks before he sat up, tipping her slightly backwards before he caught her again, and trailed his lips over her throat. He closed his mouth over her breast and she moaned low and deep as she moved against him, sending his own nerve endings into a frenzy. She pulled his shirt over his head and ran her fingers over his chest and down lower until his stomach clenched in anticipation.

He pushed her back to the ground and hovered over her, teasing her with light kisses until she yanked his mouth impatiently down to hers and kissed him until his eyes were practically crossing. His hand slid under the waistband of her sweatpants and pushed his fingers into her. She came fast and hard and he had to bury his face in the crook of her neck to try and gain control again. Panting, he managed to get himself out of his jeans and he slid into her slowly, deeply. He could have sworn that something inside of him switched as he moved inside of her. Her eyes met his, dark and open, and in that instant it was if they were connected by so much more than the physical. It touched him, made him gather her close as they moved together, the earlier desperation had faded into something deeper, stronger than he'd ever felt. This time when her breath came faster his did too and they fell over the edge together, clinging to each other.

**MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**

Kensi lay beside Deeks, afraid to move, afraid this was all just a dream that would shatter when she woke. Something beat inside of her, strong and real. She was almost too scared to admit it was love. It was like he'd unlocked something that had been inside of her all along, but he'd been the only one to hold the key. Fear warred with her desire to embrace the love she felt for him. Opening herself up to it meant leaving her heart right out in the open, vulnerable to attack, but closing herself off to it meant going back to how she'd lived before, and somehow that seemed so pale in comparison.

"Quit thinking so hard, I can practically hear the wheels turning." Deeks said, brushing a hand over her hair.

Kensi bit her lip and propped herself onto her elbow.

"I have to say something," Kensi said, nerves dancing up her spine.

Deeks turned to her, his face completely open. She saw his love for her, bright and warm as a slow smile spread on his face.

"This is important to me, you are important to me." She said, and it felt like her chest was going to burst if her heart kept swelling like this.

Deeks tugged her closer so that she was snuggled onto his chest and she heard his heart beating steadily in her ear.

"I love you too Kensi," He said, and a light burst inside of her until she was sure that she was actually glowing.

She tilted her head up to meet his eyes.

"I love you," she said, grinning when he beamed down at her.

"We're going to have to get married." Deeks said

"What?" Kensi sat up and stared incredulously at him.

"So that we can have ninja assassin babies," he explained as if that made all the sense in the world.

"Whoa, slow down there buddy, okay. I just got used to the fact that I'm in love with you."

"It's fine, I can wait." Deeks said and he reached for her again. "But just so you know, if we got married I can cook you breakfast every morning." He nibbled on her shoulder "Chocolate chip pancakes," he pressed a kiss to her jaw. "those banana nut muffins you like so much." Kensi let out a hum of pleasure as he trailed a hand up her side. "Am I convincing you yet?"

"Keep talking," Kensi said.

"bacon and egg quiche."

"Ooh, fancy."

"Homemade waffles." He nibbled at her ear.

"Okay, I think I can get behind this whole marriage thing."

"Fantastic," Deeks said as he flipped her onto her back and slid over her again.

**The End.**


End file.
